Parenting is a beautiful – and painful – journey filled with joy and grief. As parents, we support our children but often don’t know how to manage behavioral challenges. (I know the same happens to me!) We love our kids but hate that behavior! For me, it’s the constant scaffolding I do some mornings – keeping the kids moving forward while trying to keep my sanity. I’ve been spit at, bit, kicked, and hit – thankfully not all in the same morning! Here at Orchid Pediatrics, we understand the importance of addressing these challenges with effective strategies. In this blog, we’ll explore how to navigate child behavior challenges—focusing on communication and sensory needs.
Behaviors are Communication
Children often lack the vocabulary to express their feelings and needs adequately. This limitation can lead to frustration, which may manifest as challenging behavior. As parents, it’s essential to decode what your child might be trying to communicate through their actions. Let’s not be furious but stay curious.
Lead with Curiosity
When faced with challenging behavior, consider the following factors to better understand your child’s actions:
Hunger:
Have you ever been hangry? I know I have! Hunger can cause mood swings in children. Some children genetically can’t stabilize their sugar levels as well and need more complex carbs and protein. Here’s to Bob’s Killer Bread over highly processed cereal.
Fatigue:
Lack of quality sleep can significantly impact a child’s behavior. For me, the day after I had a no sleep the previous night is the worst. Sleep disruption makes waves for the day. Many neurodiverse kids have a delayed sleep phase and can use a chronobiotic dosing of melatonin – that can be 1/8 of a 1mg melatonin gummy. You can cut the melatonin gummy with scissors. Bring out the scissors and save money on melatonin!
Attention-seeking:
Children often seek attention, and challenging behavior may be their way of getting noticed. Let’s give them attention for positive behaviors. Give children the chance to succeed about 3 times out of 4. (Failure is also important!) Try 15 minutes of scheduled time with each child once a day and let the child decide what you do (though no screens is ideal). Get on the floor. Be silly. I love sensory trays – you put food objects such as beans, rice (or flour if you dare!) on a baking sheet and let kids touch and feel them. (Of course, avoid choking and keep it age appropriate.)
Illness:
Is your child feeling unwell? Some kids have a high pain tolerance and show their discomfort with irritability. Depressed kids are often irritable. Seek help when you need it. You can’t do it all by yourself!
The Sensory Bucket
Sensory seeking and sensory avoiding both happen – and in the same child. Think of a child having a sensory bucket. Some things fill the bucket. Other things empty it. If you have an empty bucket, you don’t have a reserve available to deal with sensory challenges. Take me walking down the sidewalk, for example; I know I have an empty bucket when every little smell feels like a punch. The same happens to children, and they don’t like it. None of us do!
Sound:
Loud noises can overwhelm children. Create calm and quiet spaces where your child can find solace. Or the opposite. Give your child a place where it’s ok to scream and make “outside noises.”
Light:
I personally hate fluorescent lights and think they were created to torture me! Maybe your kid feels the same. Consider if light is shining in their eyes. Turn off lights. Switch to wall facing lights. Play with the color of lights. I like smart bulbs that children can change the color from blue to purple to green.
Movement:
You move. I move. Kids move. Movement is health. Kids can regulate with movement. Movement is not defiance – at least not usually! Movement can be a small pressing of fingers or a big jump from the couch. For younger kids, I like the song: Stomp your Sillies out.
Energy:
Your kids sense how you are feeling. They may be acting up based on how you are feeling. A quick way to self-regulate is put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and move your lower jaw up and down. It activates your vagal nerve. Tips: Cars, without kids, are good places for screaming. Know, it’s always ok to seek help from a therapist, doctor, other professional. Remember, “the body keeps the score.”
Know your Shark Music and change the channel
Dealing with challenging behavior can be stressful, but it’s essential to stay calm and composed. Children often look to their parents for emotional guidance. By modeling appropriate behavior and using positive reinforcement, you can help your child navigate their emotions and behaviors more effectively.
Shark music is what you “hear” when a situation makes you stressed. Your body tenses and you are ready to deal with the threat – your child’s behavior. If you can switch the music, you can be more present and less reactive. It is easily said than done. But with practice, our amazing brains build new pathways.
Managing child behavior challenges requires curiosity. While it may not always be easy, understanding your child’s behaviors and sensory needs is essential for their well-being. By considering factors such as hunger, fatigue, the need for attention and illness, you can support your child in developing better emotional regulation. Additionally, acknowledging your child’s sensory bucket will create a more supportive environment – for you and your child. Know your own challenges; you are worth it!
At Orchid Pediatrics, we are here to provide guidance and support in your child’s developmental journey. For more information and assistance, please contact us at (503) 208-4007. You’re not alone in this journey.
*** Disclaimer
This blog is for entertainment, informational, and general educational purposes only and should not be considered to be healthcare advice or medical diagnosis, treatment or prescribing. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical care. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
