Why can’t children just “do as we say” and follow our rules? Put on your shoes. Turn off the TV. Do your homework. Take a bath. They’re simple commands!
However, for some children even the simplest commands are often met with meltdowns, defiance, and even aggression.
What makes matters even worse is that traditional disciplinary tactics—loss of privilege, taking away technology, time out, chores, etc.—don’t usually work for neurodiverse children. Children with developmental differences can struggle with emotional regulation, atypical perception, and information processing skills. This leads to sensory sensitivities, trouble following implied social rules, impulsive behavior, difficulty adapting to transition, and heightened attention to details and differences.
So, is there any way to encourage a developmentally different child to follow the rules without triggering emotional dysregulation? Playful parenting offers a solution.
3 Benefits of Playful Parenting
Playful parenting is exactly what it sounds like—it’s using play as a vehicle through which to enroll your child in “following the rules” of day-to-day life. The benefits of playful parenting include:
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- Increased dopamine levels: play activates the brain’s reward circuitry, but not the negative stress response. This can increase your child’s attention span and willingness to take action! Play is more engaging, and can capture—and hold—a child’s interest for longer.
- Strengthens the connection between you and your child. Not only will you be able to see the world through your child’s eyes, but your child will remember your playful moments for a lifetime to come.
- Play supports emotional regulation by helping your child feel safe and in control. Play can also help children process trauma, or make sense of topics that are otherwise difficult to understand.
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How to Incorporate More Play Into Your Parenting Style
There are so many unique and creative ways to incorporate playful parenting into your everyday life. Remember, every child is different and will respond to different types of play, but just being near each other will help you both regulate your nervous systems and connect on a deeper emotional level. Below are some of my favorite playful parenting techniques.
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- Make it a competition. Instead of making blatant demands—do the dishes, sit down at the dinner table, put your shoes on, etc.—try making it into a competition or challenge. How many dishes can you wash in a minute? Who can make it to the dinner table first? I bet you can’t put your shoes on using only your left hand!! Trust me, it’s the most fun your kids will have doing their chores!
- Try singing instead of demanding. The chest vibrations that go along with singing can be quite soothing for a dysregulated child, which can help them get “unstuck.” Plus, making up a silly song can make a demand feel less, well, demanding. Singing is a highly effective tool to support your child through periods of transition, for example, getting dressed to go to school. One of my kids had a really hard time with this, so I used to sing the Hokey Pokey to pull them into the process. You put your right leg in, and you shake it all about… It’s like the song was made to guide neurodiverse children through the process of getting dressed!
- Introduce a fun character. Your child may not like it when YOU tell them what to do, but they may respond more positively to a puppet, stuffed animal, or made-up persona. I imagineered a hand puppet named Andrejos the Crab, who had a much higher success rate in getting my kiddo to follow instructions.
- Gamify it! To make transitions more seamless, try playing a game, like The Floor is Lava. Your children may be more apt to turn off the technology and make their way to the dinner table if they’re enrolled in a “high stakes” game with you or their siblings.
- Use art to encourage more movement. If your child enjoys art, but tends to shy away from movement, try getting creative with crafts. I’ve had my children paint with their feet to “playfully” increase the amount of gross motor activity they were getting in a day
- Stack play with “boring” activities. It’s unconventional to suggest playing board games at dinnertime, but with developmentally different children, anything is on the table—pun intended. Taking an activity that your kids enjoy and pairing it with an activity they generally push back against can lead to a more harmonious household.
- Initiate playtime yourself to draw children in. Especially as kids get older, enrolling them in a playful activity may not always be as easy as asking. However, it’s hard to resist a good time (at any age). Chances are, if you start having fun or playing on your own, your kids will jump in and join the fun!
- Get the whole family involved (and get on your kid’s level). If you have kids with a lot of energy, or who need a lot of gross motor “big movement” type activities, sign up for an acrobatics class. That’s what we did, and it was a huge success—our kids were able to move around in a big way, and we all bonded as a family. Or, if that’s not your style, try letting your child dictate the activity. Dungeons & Dragons? A game of Capture the Flag? Learning a trending TikTok dance together? What better way to get on your kid’s level than by letting them dictate the way you play? Set a time limit on the activity, as needed, so there is a firm start-and-stop time to set expectations and make transitions more seamless.
- Remember: the safer option isn’t always the safest option. With developmentally different children, we often need to rethink what is (and what isn’t) acceptable. One of my kids hated riding in the car and would unbuckle to grab the steering wheel. The only way I could get them into the car is if I let them ride with the window down, with their head out the window. Safe? Not particularly. But did it allow us to get where we needed to go without outbursts, tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional dysregulation? Sure did.
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The truth is, societal norms often dictate the way we parent, and—honestly—-it strips a lot of the fun and enjoyment out of the way we raise our children. Playful parenting is a way for us to enjoy the process of raising a family with more humanity, connection, and ease.
Of course, it’s not all sunshine and sparkles. There are some days where playful parenting feels exhausting. Why can’t I just tell my child to do what I want them to do? Why do I have to play these silly games just to get them to eat their dinner, or get dressed in the morning? It’s okay to be where you’re at, and it’s okay to not be in the mood for play. Strive for progress (not perfection), know your limits, and incorporate playful parenting when it makes sense for you!
If you have questions about how to get on the same level as your child, we’d love to help. Get in touch with Orchid Pediatrics today! You can get in touch using the brief form below, or by calling (503) 208-4007.
*** Disclaimer
This blog is for entertainment, informational, and general educational purposes only and should not be considered to be healthcare advice or medical diagnosis, treatment or prescribing. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical care. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
